Bethesda Wellness Centers

Melissa’s Story:

 

“Don’t worry, your baby will survive you.”

 

These are the last words I remember the lactation consultant saying to me when I left her office. To be fair, I think she was trying to lighten the mood. We had reached the conclusion that I had done everything that could be done to try and breastfeed my baby. It was a horrible conclusion to come to, and I could not hold back the tears. I don’t think she knew what to do with me.

 

I had been a good patient. I came to see her when Jace was not much over a week old. My milk had not come in, and I wanted desperately to do something proactive about it. I am a licensed acupuncturist, so I had already started Chinese herbs for lactation. She suggested adding some Western herbs. I took so much fenugreek that I smelled like maple syrup and gave everyone in the house pancake cravings. I graduated to pharmaceuticals shortly thereafter. Reglan might have gotten me perhaps another milliliter or two of milk (my all-time record at one pumping session was 10 mls), but I couldn’t handle the worsening of my restless leg syndrome (a side-effect of Reglan) that had initially presented during pregnancy. I wasn’t able to find a doctor willing to prescribe me the domperidone that my lactation consultant suggested, but one particularly compassionate PA had oxytocin compounded for me just in case I had a let-down issue.

 

I power pumped religiously. I used nipple shields to help with my son’s latch. We checked him for a possible tongue tie. The specialist said he would clip it if we wanted to, but honestly didn’t think it was an issue. Jace started out nursing like a champ. He would try for 30 mins at a time with very little pay-off. I was scared to death to give him formula because, as everyone knows, formula is poison. And if you ever give a baby a bottle, they will never ever take your breast again.

 

Our pediatrician had us coming in for weight checks every other day. At some point, she became adamant that I feed him formula as he was jaundiced, not wetting diapers, and showing signs of dehydration. He was also losing weight faster than she was comfortable with. I started bottle feeding before I was able to get a supplemental nursing system. Fortunately, Jace surprised us all by being very willing to go from breast to bottle.

 

I had precious little time between “breastfeeding,” pumping, and formula feeding, but I was too anxious about our situation to sleep much, so with my down time I researched anything I could do to get my milk to come in. I also researched formula.

 

I found a wonderful write-up by a nutritionist who had some hiccups during her own breastfeeding journeys with two sons. She carefully researched and dissected all the major organic formulas in the United States in order to find the best brand for one of her sons. She then made her research available for moms who could not meet their breastfeeding goals to give them some idea how to best feed their precious little ones. I almost couldn’t bear to read it. Discouraging at best, and devastating to a mom like me, I found that every single organic formula contained one if not more of these questionable ingredients: processed refined sugars, palm oil, DHA/ARA extracted with hexane (a neurotoxin), carrageenan (a thickener known to cause gut inflammation), synthetic preservatives, and, of course, synthetic nutrients. I put Jace on the least offensive brand I could find. Although it was sustenance, he was horribly constipated and miserable.

 

Next I looked into milk banks. To get donated milk where I live would have cost me around $80-$130/day to begin with, required a doctor’s prescription, and was not at all likely to happen anyway. Milk banks give preference to babies with medical needs, and there is rarely – if ever – enough donor milk to reach all those babies, much less healthy babies like my son. Our pediatrician told me to relax, that my baby would still grow up to be a rocket scientist if he wanted to. I was not convinced.

 

Unable to even get off the ground with the milk banks, I found that there are also milk share collectives online. Moms who have supply issues can find moms with abundant milk and purchase their excess for perhaps a more reasonable price. Sometimes, the milk is even donated at no cost. The problem with this is, while reputable milk banks have strict safe-shipping policies, screen donors, test the milk for nutritional content, culture it for bacteria, and basically make sure it is the highest possible quality, milk-share collectives do not have many (if any) of these precautions in place. One study by the AAP found that 10% of co-op milk they tested was a blend of human plus cow’s milk. Mothers choosing this route must be willing to risk receiving milk that is contaminated with bacteria, medications that the donor has not disclosed, milk that hasn’t been pumped, stored or shipped properly, etc. While I would not judge a mother in my shoes who decided this was her best option, I personally decided against it.

 

As the early weeks slipped away in a semi-conscious haze, I continued to try and breastfeed as long as Jace was willing. My sister-in-law encouraged me that even a little bit of breastmilk had an antibody or two within. As for the formula problems, before Jace was born, I had come across some information about the differences in European vs American formula, so I investigated further and had the first of three European brands I would eventually try shipped from the UK. Within a couple days of switching formulas, Jace’s stools went from a grey-yellow modeling-clay consistency to goldenrod yellow and soft. He showed no signs of digestive distress and started to put on some weight. I also found a nutritionist in Washington whose wife was unable to feed their third daughter without supplementing. He created an excellent home-made goat-milk formula that was easy to prepare at a much lower cost. This would be a go-to for us as Jace got older.

 

When the exhaustion lifted enough for me to start to think a little clearer, I became my own patient. I thought of it like this: what if a woman exactly like me came into my clinic asking for help? What would I do for her? First, I would believe her story. I would accept that she was and had been trying everything she could to get her milk to come in. Next I would see what could be done to fill in the gaps for her baby. I have an undergraduate degree in exercise physiology/human performance and a master’s degree in Oriental medicine. I had enough base-level knowledge to understand what components of my son’s immune system he received in utero, what was supposed to be developing now that he was here, and what he was missing due to being formula fed. This information helped me make decisions about childcare, the timing of vaccinations, and supplements that I could safely use for a baby to encourage immunity. I settled on three supplements: a seaweed that I started as soon as he was cleared for “solids,” a probiotic, and an enzyme. I also contacted a homeopathic organization whose protocol I am still using today.

 

One thing I did not try was joining a mom’s group. More specifically, I did not try joining a “natural mommies” group, which I had intended on doing while I was pregnant. Breastfeeding is foundational in such groups (for good reason), and I have found that other moms can either be very supportive and compassionate, or judgmental and cruel when it comes to breastfeeding. I will always remember the kind moms who gave me a shoulder to cry on and encouraging words. I will also remember the ones who told me I just didn’t try hard enough. I didn’t have the right lactation consultant, I didn’t pump as much as I’d claimed or I’d have been successful. I didn’t eat enough oatmeal lactation cookies, and my baby will suffer forever because of my laziness. There is one such mom in every group, and I was having a hard enough time forgiving myself –my body- for not giving my child what I knew, and still know, is best.

 

The isolation was not good for me. I suffered with anxiety, depression, and overwhelming shame about my condition. As I look back, time that I should have spent enjoying my infant son, I spent researching, researching, researching, obsessively researching. I did prioritize skin-to-skin time with Jace and decided to try attachment parenting techniques to make up for the possible lack of bonding. Still, I missed out on many of the joys of having a precious newborn because I couldn’t let things go. I took on this heavy burden alone because I couldn’t find the right kind of professional support for women who can’t breastfeed, and had only myself to rely on to figure out how to feed my child and attempt to ensure his health. Community is so important for new mothers, and I felt totally alienated from the “natural mama” community.

 

Fast forward a bit, and Jace is now 19 months old. He is a momma’s boy, and I love it. No attachment issues. In fact, I took him to a continuing education class in pediatrics for acupuncturists. The instructor had the class observe four families with their children. Over and over again, I heard, “that one is really attached to his mom!” More healing words could not have been spoken. In Jace’s 19 months, he has only had one stuffy nose and one thrown-up meal due to what I suspect was a stomach bug that made the rounds at his home daycare. In fact at 15 months I was worried that he had never had any sort of illness. As an acupuncturist, I know that it is important for babies to spike the occasional fever as part of their immune system development. The fevers did eventually come around 16-18 months- two of them. Neither one was very scary. One was a fever on its own which may have been related to teething, and one came with the stuffy nose. He has no food allergies. He is hitting all of his milestones and then some.

 

I do not need to be reminded that Jace could have health issues later in life, but I am pleased right now. And as one of the natural mommy friends I recently acquired reminded me, breast is best, but it doesn’t guarantee anything. She and her son are facing some health concerns now, and I hope that I am as supportive to her as she has been to me in the recent months.

 

At the time of this writing, we are expecting a second child, a baby girl. I couldn’t feel more blessed. Despite how well things have gone with Jace, I am trying everything I can to make this go-around with breastfeeding better. I am taking progesterone the entire pregnancy. I will start pumping in a few more weeks and taking herbs before my daughter arrives. I would love to report back to you that I breastfed number two with success. (And somehow didn’t have a resurgence of guilt about my son.) But if it doesn’t go any better this time, I will accept it a little more readily, enjoy my baby whole lot more, shut out the critical voices, and remind myself that being a good mother and raising a healthy child is about so much more than breastfeeding.

 

If you would like more information about or help with anything mentioned above such as:

 

• • Making alternative health care accessible and affordable
• • Bolstering your baby’s immune system with gentle supplements, acupressure, and nutrition
• • Homeopathy for disease prevention in babies
• • What to try “next time”

 

Please send me an email or give me a call to schedule an in-office or phone consultation. Let’s help you and your baby THRIVE, not just “survive.”

 

For more stories like mine and additional resources please visit; The Fed is Best Foundation

Visit The Fed is Best Foundation website

 

Recommended Reading

 

Bottled Up: How the Way We Feed Babies Has Come to Define Motherhood, and Why It Shouldn’t - by Suzanne Barston

Blogger/editor Barston had every intention of breastfeeding her newborn son, but the baby's severe intolerance to breast milk along with other factors thwarted her efforts. Feeling conflicted, defensive, and guilty, she spent two years researching the ups and downs of bottle and breastfeeding. Her text interweaves memoir and reporting as she scouts recent medical literature, interviews experts, and recounts her own tale as a lactation-challenged Hester Prynne. Barston makes clear that she is not antibreastfeeding; rather, her goal is to lay out the facts and examine the research so that each mother can decide for herself. Breastfeeding, she asserts, is not for every woman, whether for medical, psychological, professional, or many other reasons. She advocates a new outlook on infant feeding: one that refuses to embrace a one-size-fits-all strategy. While much has been done to support the breastfeeding mother, Barston argues, formula feeders have often been judged unfairly, without due attention to each woman's individual circumstances. Society's goal, she contends, should be to support all mothers in their right to choose what is best for themselves, their babies, and their families. Formula-feeding parents will find support, information, and encouragement in this well-researched and compassionate text, and breastfeeding moms and advocates will benefit from Barston's authentic experience and perspective as well. - From Publishers Weekly

 

Reviews

 

“Barston's defense of bottlefeeding declares a moratorium on using motherhood as a dumping ground for our cultural anxieties and ambivalences. Through the deft interweave of personal narrative and sharp analysis, Bottled Up reveals how mother-blaming, sloppy science and deficient policies are far more pernicious than artificial milk." — Chris Bobel, author of The Paradox of Natural Mothering

 

“This is an informative and well-reasoned book that looks acutely at the meaning of baby feeding alternatives. It will be helpful to mothers, no matter what their choice." — Sydney Z. Spiesel, Ph.D. M.D., Clinical Professor of Pediatrics, Yale University School of Medicine

Read More